Simplicity.

Friday, May 29, 2009

fuck!

i ate.

i ate so much today..

breakfast: 2 pieces of bread with peanut butter

lunch:mcchicken & coke

dinner:rice

god its too much!

my stomache really hurts now..

yuck..

i feel so disgusted..

& so i've decided to start my 'diet' : eating watever daddy gives for breakfast,then eating only 2 biscuits for the rest of the whole day & probably lettuce or smth..

i wanna see how long i can last on this diet.

i have to prove tht i have control over atleast SMTH in life.

this is how i rebel.

i cant show it out to *****,but i'll show him tht i will go against him.

i will not listen to him..

perfection is the only important thing ever.

a life without perfection is a life with dreams unfulfilled.

an imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.

"I am your butter and your bread. The voice that's in your head. I'll take you in and fill you up with a lack of being fed" -Ana

An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist but ordinary's just not good enough today

Ask me to show you perfect and I will show you a thin person.

Starving is an example of excellent will power

Bones are clear and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite.

Anyone can have inner beauty. But very few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.

Hunger hurts, but starving works!

Starving is not pain, it's the cure.

Every time you say "No Thank you", You say " Yes Please" to Thin.

Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else.

Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment.

The difference between want and need is self-control

Pain is only as real as you allow it to be

i will reach perfection,i will be in control.

i will not listen to wat ppl tell me abt my eating habits.

how would they noe wat its like??

fuck,they wouldnt noe how its like to look in the mirror & hate wats looking back.

disgusted.

angry.

depressed.

afraid.

i will never end this,cos i noe tht this is not a diet,its a lifestyle.

i will make this change & everything else will fall into place.

everything will then be perfect.

P.S MY BIRFDAE IS ON THE 4TH OF JUNE.
THURSDAY.

♥ 7:39 AM

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

took my med last night.

ohhh my gosh and then i became so tired & i kept yawning & yawning.

so i hung up the fone & went to slp..

then i woke up at 7 plus today,but....

i couldnt get up frm the bed..

i was yawning & stretching & rolling around,lols!

so i got off the bed at like 8.20, f i n a l l y!!

& then i ate a cheese sandwich & an eggie!! (:

& now im blogging..

wheee..

didnt go to sch agn today..

(i didnt go ytd either)

& now i just got this headache...

ughh..

fucking stupid side effects.

grrr!

♥ 6:25 PM

I told another lie today
And i got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the write words to say
Like "i don't feelwell,"
"i ate before i came"
Then someone tells me how good i look
And for a moment, for a moment i am happy
But when i'm alone, no one hears me cry
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Somedays i'm still fighting towalk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day
I don't know the first time i felt unbeautiful
The day i chose not to eat
What i do know is how i've changed my life forever
I know i should know better
There are days when i'm ok
And for a moment, for a moment i find hope
But there are days when i'm not ok
And i need your help
So i'm letting go
I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Somedays i'm still fighting towalk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day
You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but i know now
Together we'll make it through somehow(together we'll make it through somehow)
I need you to knowI'm not through the night
Somedays i'm still fighting towalk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day

......................................................................................................................................

im a fucking rockstar bitch!!
(:

.........................................................................................................................................................................

to-do-lists are always useful (:
i like to keep a list of stuff tht i've gotta do & all,its just so much easier eu noe??
gettting it all planned,written down & stuff ^^

sooooo heres my list:

piercings,hxc,bitch! ; nose
snakebites
monroe

andddd....i also wanna get inked (: but ill just start with my piercings first,once i've done them all,ill get inked!!

hmm..abt my list for piercings,its gng to be really hard to get them all at once,and my daddy doesnt approve of piercings so,lets just say its gng to be one steeeeeeeeeepppppppppppp at a time,huh?hahs..

.........................................................................................................................................................................

alright,so..

i didnt go to sch tdy!

yay for me!

butbutbut,

i still woke up early..

at 6.

i had to go for a,err..THING.

...............................

ohh yea,i swallowed my barbel!

like 3 times in a week??

*fucked up much?!*

so headed to central bought a barbel & then i went to the libraryyyyy!

whooo (:

whn i walked in everyone was staring at me,like seriously!

dont i luk like a person who likes to read books??

._. anywayyyyy..

im on medication..

its an anti-depressant.

hmmm...

whatever,change of topic.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

I look in the mirror,
scream at my reflection
why is this so hard
i just want to reach perfection
im trapped in a body which i dont think of as mine
but everyone else think im doing so fine
pretty eyed girl with smile so bright
but starving for thinness is what my mind says is right
When I look in the mirror ...
all I want to see is someone pretty looking back at me.
losing weight seems to be the only key,
then when I look in the mirror I'll see someone pretty looking at me.
Losing friends, driving them to their ends,
when I cry I just need a friend,
a friend who can hug me and give me a lending hand.
This is not worth it: to be in a dark tunnel and to just sit.
eating is not the end of the world, at least that is what I was told.
Sitting all alone, in my room being so cold, seems to be the only thing that would have sold.
I want to be happy ... that's all ... is it that hard?
do I have to wait for happiness to be sold??

*i do not own this poem.*
........................................................................................................................................................................

gosh,idk..

but,everyone keeps telling me im becoming hot tempered/short tempered.

i get annoyed at the littlest of things.

& i may cry at the slightest things tht make me unhappy.

or its like,

when im really sad,then i cant cry.

& without crying,how else am i to release all these feelings trapped in me?

and it hurts so much..

.......baby devil........

♥ 5:40 AM

Sunday, May 24, 2009

i just wrote a poem.

but im too selfish to put it up here.

i dont want it to get stolen,

no one,

as far as i noe,

respects copyright.

bluek.

im just so hurt.

privacy,is to be respected.

please,respect it.

ur no better than her,im sorry..

♥ 6:29 AM